I'm at a waterslide park in Orlando...

Have you ever wondered where the term "ugly American" comes from? I'm looking at it. So I figured, with three days off in Orlando, Florida, why not go down some water slides? I think I'm scarred for life. I've vowed never to eat fast food ever ever again. But onto sunnier topics, I went to Bruce Hall's house for his son's birthday party on the 5th. For those of you who don't follow REO Speedwagon, Bruce Hall is the bass player. The whole crew was invited to attend, we drove over in the bus and parked on his palacial estate. I found it interesting that the neighboring palacial estate (with the same layout but in terracotta rather than stone gray) was in forclosure. Even rockstars can't distance themselves too far from reality. It was a lovely time. We ate burgers and ice cream cake and felt a sense of home for a short time. Watching 13 slightly overweight roadies in their late 40's and early 50's eat cake and drink soda in a sea of kids made me break out in a quiet laugh as Bruce passed out brownies. REO Speedwagon has been a journey thus far. A journey into a certain reality. All the hot chicks are gone, the blow dissapeared long ago, instead, wives pictures poke out of wallets and images of kids are displayed proudly on iphones. There is a sweetness to the whole thing, a sense of a brotherhood, and it's comforting knowing that even when the late nights turn into early bedtimes, the band plays on. We walked into the main foyer and there, displayed in all their glory, gold records and bass guitars. Bruce Hall's Hall. It was rather breathtaking. It wasn't the Hall of Records at Graceland, but then, nothing is. I turned to a nice looking man with a long white ponytail tucked into a basball cap, smiled and said "thanks for having us in your home". He winked like Santa Clause would to a kid with a tray of cookies and turned to attend to the grill. They really are very happy. And I feel honored to have been a part of such a sweet day, Tomorrow we play Lampe, MO. Lampe is 45 minutes north of Branson, Missouri. Hopefully I'll make friends with some local folk and aquire some grade-A moonshine. Here's hoping.

goodbye to a good one...

a really amazing girl I know is leaving LA. She's been here two years,
built a solid reputation in the industry and is off to Austin. Her
story is not uncommon; she had her heart broken by a boy and feels its
time to move on...move home really, back to Texas where she can "be
closer to her family" who live in Houston a mere 2.5 hours away. She
plans on picking out a cute new one bedroom for no more than $700/mo
because that's standard, and getting a freelance job in the industry
just like she did here. Her tone is optimistic and light. She reflects
on the good times had in LA and is hopeful of new adventures before
her. Yet she does have a sad quality in her voice when she says "this
place is crazy though ya know, I feel like the last two years have
been a blur", And I understand what she means. As she said it feels
like you never get any traction in LA, like your always moving and
rather frantic and the highs are really high and the lows are rather
unbearable. Its a funny place this Los Angeles. Full of dreamers and
wish makers; hope and despair share equal sides of the coin. I feel
the city itself is anthropomorphic, a living breathing organism with
character traits and mood swings and everyone has a personal
relationship to it. I wish my friend well, knowing that going back to
her roots will suit her well. It will be safe and yet independent and
all together a good fit for her 6 foot blond varsity volleyball frame.
I can't help thinking I've lost another good one to the holes of LA,
that people come and slip through and don't stick around; but that's
the nature of an animal, its ever changing. So here is to good people
and good times, happy trails and new adventures. May we all be so
lucky to have good friends to say farewell to on our journeys to new
places~ adios Regan Beam.....

There are times when you find yourself in a good place, and you are not sure what is going to happen from there, but at the moment, all is good. The people are good, the mood is good, the conversation is good. I'm working for a band that is so incredibly wonderful, as people, that I am blown away. Which is sad actually. I'm shocked at their warmth, because I've never felt it from a band before...and that's rather sad if you think about it. They laugh, they hang out on your bus to shoot the shit, they ask you how YOU are doing. It's rather odd actually, and I continuously find myself being surprised. But its more than that, as there are many considerate musicians, its the playfulness and family feeling between crew and band. It's the blurring of the lines between the band and the crew in its traditional etiquette. Maybe its because this group of men have been playing together for decades, and have had the same crew for nearly as long. Seasoned is a word that comes to mind. Is that what it takes? To have played the same songs so many times, to have toured so many years, to have seen so many randoms enter and exit different green rooms never to be named and never to be seen again. Perhaps it takes a certian humility, an acknowledgement that you've gone this long, you should be thankful for the gifts your given, the fans you have and the nights you get to play to packed houses. Its like....these guys are living in reality. Its the sense of reality that is often the missing ingredient in the rock star swagger; the air of "I don't care". The confidence in their stare as they come with money signs in tow. Is it their head that wells or is it manahgement who does it to them? or the media? or the fans? We all want to blame someone for the break up of the Beatles, the end of Cream, the fall of Britney, but only beacause they were once so exhaulted that we need answers. It must be a cocktail of various forces at play. However if the artist...can remain an artist....and weather the storm of outside influences..perhaps....they will survive. And to survive, as I have witness over the last few days, looks like a lot of laughter, warm embraces, smiling fans, generations of family backstage, long talks on cool buses in humid climates, and beautiful sunsets during your set to a crowd who cheers for your songs. Doesn't seem all that bad

GLEE LIVE! the first night of the tour....

Glee. Ohhhhh Glee. If you haven't heard of or seen the show Glee, you're living under a rock....underwater....on Mars. It seems that Glee is bigger than Miley Cyrus and Justin Beiber combined. And this audience isn't tweens. These are very well dressed, mature...as in ...in their late thirties to early forties, a lot of them are gay and all of them LOVE Glee. They were glued to their seats, they didn't even leave to pee or get a beer. They jumped, they cheered, they sasheed their way home. Never in a million years did I think I'd see men and women in their eighties tonight, but there they were, a bunch of them. And whoa what a white crowd. Maybe that's just Phoenix, but there was noooo color in that audience. So what did I learn? I learned that my 150 people could buy over 5,000 dollars worth of merch in half an hour. And I learned that Corey Moneith, the guy who plays Finn, the football player, is a total sweetheart and a sucker for attention and hauled his co-star, Amber, the black chick, up to my party for a little pop in. Totally caught us by surprise and then there was chaos! We dealt with it like the pros we are...but...come on guys....its time to stop pretending you can casually mingle with the crowd...you sold out an entire tour in an hour.

So they came, they signed things, and I had to push them out of there so I could finish my party...aka...hand out tickets. All in all, I would give the show a A+. The pipes on these kids! Its freakin amazing! Its one thing to see the TV show. On the TV show they are brilliant, but you know that they are recording the songs in studios with engineers and lip syncing over them on the show. Here it's live....and their THAT GOOD. Amazing. Broadway. Fantastic. I got chills so many times I lost count. Lea Michele is one of a kind.

Of course everyone from the production team was sweating bullets because supposedly all their heads are on the chopping block if anything goes wrong. Fox has so much money invested in this thing that tensions are riding high high hiiiiiigh. Lets hope they all walk away...richer than they already are???? and don't be surprised if "Glee the Movie" is in the works. This is television. Fox. they are gonna milk this for all its worth. And you would too if you were an executive watching this show tonight, everyone was standing and jumping and having a ball. Its like...a whole new side of karaoke. cuz lets not forget...thats what this show is. They even play Sweet Caroline, which I think ranks as the most sung karaoke song ever. Pretty cliche and a nice gab of sarcasm from the creators of the show.

So there you have it. Glee Live! Its a phenomenon. And its a beautiful show, both visually and musically. Everyone obviously has but so much work into this. And the production team they have is first rate...i mean....the lighting designer alone could be in the rock and roll hall of fame for the amount of big name bands he's worked for. But man were they nervous about Glee. ohhhhh the irony.

that's it folks, that's all I got.

Why is it that when you have nothing to do you do nothing? I have so much time on my hands and yet i do nothing with it. I mean in the sense that I don't produce anything. If your bored it's because your boring. I feel like if I have a month off of work I should be writing the next great american novel, or writing a script or directing a play, but no, I just sit around and read books and go to the gym and see friends. Shouldn't I be DOING something, MAKING something lasting, having something to SHOW for all this time I have to work with. Some people are slaves to their jobs and they would do anything to have the time to write or paint or dance and yet I have all this time and I don't do any of that. I travel and I journal and I read. I sleep, I volunteer, I discover, I do crafts...I feel retired. How am I retired at the age of 27. Shouldn't I be building a yatch to go sail around the world? arent I supposed to be building an empire? Here I have all this potential and absolutely zero motivation. I guess its the classic 20-something issue of not knowing what to do with my life. How angsty. How cliche. How boring. So here I sit, blogging...to myself, so that I feel I'm at least writing something everyday. At least Im DOING that. its all blabber anyway. But I feel some people understand this dilema. This is why people have babies and families at this age, because they feel they have exhausted their own lives possibilities and its time to focus on a new challenge....a family. And thats what then takes up all their time for the next couple decades. Im not ready for that, and yet I'm bored with myself. Great. So now I'll go read some more, get ready to go meet up with a friend, then go see a friend's play; to watch her be creative, to watch her be a part of something, to watch her do what I shoudl be doing. oh the irony.

we have the right to refuse service

why is it that we give so much energy to ex boyfriends? Aren't they x's for a reason? Didn't we X them out of our lives? of our phones? of our email chains? of our circle of friends? So then why do they continually pop up and create a seething cauldron of emotion that sucks the life out of you? is it possible to dismember that part of your heart that for some reason will always have a parking spot that says "reserved for ____". And they can valet their shit in your heart space whenever they feel the need.
And unfortunately its not totally their fault, because YOU LET THEM BACK IN TO FUCK WITH YOUR HEAD AND HEART. it's a choice. to get emotional. its a choice, to let them affect you. Oh what I've give to be like a Buddha on a mountain and let the energy wash over you, unaffected and unwavering. What I would give for that control, that non-attachment, that distance. Nothing affecting you emotionally but just pausing and seeing emotions as they pass by you and through you.
Today I say goodbye to the x that continually batters my soul, knocking on my door expecting me to open for a chat and a quick bicker. Its not healthy, this back and forth, so today I say, the lot is full, no space for you, reserved sign pulled, go park your troubles in another woman's heart, this one's off duty.

Asparagus

"Mind if I sit on the end of this table?" I asked a pretty blond lady who
was delicately picking at her Whole Foods salad. She looked up at me a bit
startled, looked at the long empty table she was sitting at, alone, and
nodded. Each table could easily fit twelve people, yet each of them held a
party of one. Why are we all so afraid to share space? The woman smiled as I
sat on the far end of the table, on the opposite side by the window, a good
six feet away. As I clunked my purse down I laughed and commented on the
wall of brightly colored shopping bags she had barricaded around her, as if
she was hiding from the other shoppers. "You look like your hiding with all
those bags on the table", she answered with a smile, "well I like to keep
them close, you never know". I gave her a weak smile and sat down to eat my
food. You never know? You never know what? That a grocery thief could run
through at anytime and snatch your asparagus? Your sitting in the dining
area of Whole Foods for christ sake, this isn't exactly a war torn
territory. Are people always this paranoid now a days? Have we gotten to
that point where you worry that your groceries will be plundered by....I
have no idea what....before you can get them safely in your home? And
speaking of homes and food, I volunteered at the mission downtown today. The
rescue mission housed over 100 men and women who are part of a program,
funded privately and donated to regularly. The members of this program are
brought through a drug and alcohol abuse treatment plan for three months,
they are taught skills and work as cleaning attendants while they are there.
They also must attend church three times a day. Privately funded. Bible
belt. Three times a day.
But the whole point of this is to get back to groceries. I was working with
a group of university students from Ohio who were on an "alternative spring
break", where a large group will go do service projects in a city for a week
instead of say.... boozing in Florida. To each his own. So there was this
nice guy, Charlie, born and raised in Cleveland, who was telling me about
his week. It didn't shock me that he'd never been to Nashville, that he'd
never been out of the country and plans to go to Lebenon this summer; it
didn't shock me that he'd never line danced or volunteered before. What
shocked me was when he told me how "weird" asparagus was. Random comment I
thought. So I asked, "what's weird about asparagus? That it makes your pee
smell funny?" His eyes lit up, "It does?", my expression was a bit
perplexed, "ok so if not that, what's so weird about asparagus?", he replied
"its just that last night I had some for the first time. I'd never had any
before". "What?!?" My disbelief was astounding. "What do you mean? You've
never eaten asparagus? What else haven't you had?" I started rattling off
vegetables I would put in a daily diet and he shook his head to all of them
"Eggplant?" "No", "Squash?" "No", "Radish?" "No". Basically if it wasn't
part of an iceberg lettuce side salad or didn't come out of a fast food bag
or a microwavable meal, he had no idea what it was. This boy is technically
a man! He's 19. He goes to college! He's on a school trip! He can feed the
homeless but he can't feed himself. What the hell is wrong with our country?
So I'm my days reflections, I've decided that we should not take our
education, our food or our resources for granted. And that coming from
California, the land of perfect produce, I must understand how fortunate I
was growing up in the eden state of plenty. But also that there must be a
change if we want the nation to correct itself as far as health. Its
devastating.
But for today, Ill just try to handle myself, so with that, I crack open my
filtered water, stretch out at this enormous table (which has now become a
party of one) and get ready to indulge in a large salad, with a hearty side
of asparagus.

Ya'll Got Bud Light on Tap?

Ok, so I'm sitting in a bar, by myself, downtown Nashville, waiting for the line dancing lessons to start. Yup, true story. Half of the fun and terror of moving to a new place where you don't know anyone if forcing yourself to go out and try new things, and inevitably you will come to a moment, much like I just have, when you look around and start to second guess your gumption and truly start to wonder if this was a good idea. But, battle through, you must. Who knows, maybe I'll make a friend, maybe ill get in a bar fight, maybe ill learn a dance step, but I will leave having proved to myself that I have the grit to get out of the house and face the country music, sans confidant, and I'm stronger for it. While I sit here drinking my Landshark beer (which is more like a Bud light than anything else) I see a sea of blue Kentucky Wildcats t shirts, Reba blairs on the loudspeaker, the soft southern twang of the bartender flutters over the noise, and I am reminded of how truly far from home I am. Maybe this will be a new home someday, but for tonight, all I have to do is try to learn a couple dance steps. I hope you are loving life and learning with each moment.
Xoxoxo-C