why is it that we give so much energy to ex boyfriends? Aren't they x's for a reason? Didn't we X them out of our lives? of our phones? of our email chains? of our circle of friends? So then why do they continually pop up and create a seething cauldron of emotion that sucks the life out of you? is it possible to dismember that part of your heart that for some reason will always have a parking spot that says "reserved for ____". And they can valet their shit in your heart space whenever they feel the need.
And unfortunately its not totally their fault, because YOU LET THEM BACK IN TO FUCK WITH YOUR HEAD AND HEART. it's a choice. to get emotional. its a choice, to let them affect you. Oh what I've give to be like a Buddha on a mountain and let the energy wash over you, unaffected and unwavering. What I would give for that control, that non-attachment, that distance. Nothing affecting you emotionally but just pausing and seeing emotions as they pass by you and through you.
Today I say goodbye to the x that continually batters my soul, knocking on my door expecting me to open for a chat and a quick bicker. Its not healthy, this back and forth, so today I say, the lot is full, no space for you, reserved sign pulled, go park your troubles in another woman's heart, this one's off duty.
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