You stand there, perfectly put together, smile plastered on your face, and you're numb. It's all a blur. From the getting ready to the pictures to the ceremony, All of a sudden they are asking for rings and you immaculately produce one, then people are clapping, and its over. Married. Oh then all chaos breaks loose. Wine all around! Girls!!! Giiiiirrrrls! Get over on the deck we need the wedding party! Where is your mother!?!? Giiiiiirls! You can drink later I need you here now! Bride? Where's the bride. No! You just stay where you are. GIRLS! It's pandemonium. Lipsticking, hair flicking, dress straightening, heel clasping, boob placing crazy-ness.and that just keeps going. I find myself going in and out of consciousness, I'm on auto pilot. I look around and everything is in slow motion, it's like I'm underwater, everything is muffled. Even now I can only remember about five conversations I had that night, and I talked to so many people. Adrenaline coursing through your veins, and then you add alcohol to it? You're dead. I held it together till the very end, then I went from all good to.... a fucking train wreck and put myself to bed. Everything was fine, but I flipped fast. 12 hours of drinking? Family? Pressure? Hours of small talk. Yup, that's enough to kill anyone. And the small talk. Oy vey! No sir I don't remember Desert Storm and I wasn't around for the Iran Contra Scandal, I'm gonna make my way to the bar. Oh no ma'am I don't believe I do know that line of Laura Ashley and I'm so glad to hear your daughter didn't turn out to be a crack addict like you'd feared. Really? You think the weather is nice? I think it sucks actually and I'm sorry to hear about your heart palpatations, no I can't recommend a good cardiologist.
What is WITH these people!?! And who starts a fight over gay marriage with a 65 year old man? They were gonna come to blows! People were clearing away furniture! Hello!!! You're 30 years old, 6 foot 5, 250 pounds! Let it go! And who fell asleep on the toilet, to wake up to the cleaning crew, all alone hours after everyone had left? Not me thank god! But what's a good wedding without good stories. "don't know how I got this!" says a friend the next morning as she points to an egg on her forehead the size of a Volkswagen. Don't remember? Shit by the look of that I'm surprised you remember your name right now."i just threw up in the bushes" says another friend as she makes her way to her rental car from the front desk. So I guess it was a wedding. Everyone survived; though their ego's may be damaged, their bodies are still functioning... some better than others. The important part is that the bride and groom are happy and currently having sex on a beach somewhere, not thinking about family or to do's or anything but each other, a well deserved vacation. So yeah, it was fun, I resembled a warrior more than a party guest, I guess that's what family does in those occasions. I know when it comes to my wedding...should I ever choose to have one, it's gonna be on a beach, and if you wanna come, great, if not, I'll tell you the stories when I get home. But here's to the traditional wedding, in all it's glory. Good job this weekend team, it will live on in infamy....at least those parts we can remember.
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